God! Excrement! I'm surrounded!

[backupdump002]

First one-
There was some weird spider lady in a dark, flooded building, and she was apparently working for customer service for... something. Apparently, though, she had some weird fetish for the number 9,090 and would only help people if their ticket had that number on it. And she'd hit on them mercilessly. MERCILESSLY!

Second one-
Mom and I were apparently being chased by a bunch of zombies and were speeding down the road like a couple of maniacs. Our van was going as fast as it possibly could, yet for some reason the zombies had JET PACKS OR SOMETHING BECAUSE THEY COULD KEEP UP PERFECTLY. SINCE WHEN DO ZOMBIES MOVE QUICKLY I ASK YOU. Anyway so we make it to our house and quickly open the garage door and go zooming inside and close the door again which totally baffled the zombies and made them just poke at it stupidly. Mom and I got out of the car, and we were like, "GOOD THING WE CLEANED OUT THE GARAGE! AHYUK HYUK HYUK." And... that was kind of it, really.

Third one-
So for some reason I suddenly had giant demon wings, and the building across the street from where I was at was up in flames. I decided to use my new wings FOR JUSTICE and flew over to the building. I burst in through some lady's window and was like "WE GOTTA EVACTUATE" and the lady was like "you're finally here god it's about time" and just kinda stood there. I looked around the room and immediately spotted a Tron DVD, and I picked it up slipped it in my pocket and then went flying back out the window because Tron DVDs are more important than human lives. And you know what's weird? The room I burst into looked exactly like my brother's old room :O That kinda creeped me out.

AND THIS SCENE SWITCHED TO...

Fourth one-
SNAKE AND OTACON WALKING THROUGH SOME OLD GHETTO NEIGHBORHOOD it actually did kind of just switch scenes, because I remember the burning building being in the background. And Snake and Otacon were completely oblivious to it, apparently.

Anyway so they eventually come to some old playground, and Snake is like "Otacon why did you make me come to this dump god >(" and Otacon was like "SNAKE IT'S NOT A DUMP IT'S VERY SPECIAL Emma and I used to play here when we were kids" and Snake was like "it still looks like a dump >(" and Otacon just ignored him and went to go BAAATTHHEE in nostalgia. That paragraph was one sentence long.

Also this was like some kind of super playground, because Otacon was like "argh, everything's all broken!" and fixed it, and when he was done there was like... I dunno, there was like this TV-like thing that played black and white cartoons, and some kind of 3D shooting game and I dunno, it's hard to describe. It was really weird.

The thought of Otacon growing up in a ghetto neighborhood is awesome.

Fifth one-
I was with a group of friends and we were sitting on a bench and talking and laughing and stuff, and I looked across the street into this alleyway and saw this big gang equipped with switchblades and bats with nails in them and other gangy weapons. They looked as us and laughed and kept saying "WE GONNA GETCHA MAN, WE GONNA GETCHA" and other gang-taunts. Completely unphased, I turn to my friends and go "hold on a sec," and get up. I open the MGS weapon menu, take out an M9 tranquilizer gun, and just start shooting all of them several times each until they shut up and fell asleep. Once I was done I put the gun away, turned to my friends and was like "LOL SORRY ABOUT THAT" and just went back to talking. AWESOME.

Sixth one-
Last one! So an old friend of mine planned to meet up in the park so we could walk around and catch up, and I suddenly knew how to drive. So I hop in my car (a jeep, I think) and just go SPEEDING TOWARDS THE PARK AS FAST AS I POSSIBLY CAN. PEDAL TO THE METAL AND SUCH.

The dream cuts to some pretty looking park with people out walking their dogs, little kids playing on the playground, and some dude with a giant scarf (the friend!) checking his watch. It was a nice, cool autumn day, and everyone was having a grand ol' time.

THEN SUDDENLY
NYYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAARRRRRROOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM

I COME BURSTING INTO THE SCENE BURNING RUBBER AND I CAN'T STOP. I DECLARE ROADS AND PARKING LOTS NON-EXISTANT AND JUST GO CRUSADING OVER THE GRASS AND HILLS AND STRAIGHT INTO THE PARK. PEOPLE SCREAM AND TAKE COVER AS THEY SEE ME (I specifically remember my friend running and hiding behind a tree). I TURN THE STEERING WHEEL AND THE CAR TIPS OVER AND STARTS SKIDDING ACROSS THE GROUND ON ITS SIDE, SHOOTING SPARKS AND STILL GOING THE SAME SPEED I WAS EARLIER SOMEHOW

I press a button and parachutes shoot out from behind the car, and I finally start slowing down. I come to a stop, and after a short pause I poke my head out of one of the windows, exclaim "THAT WAS AWESOME!", and then climb out of said window and stroll onto one of the paths. My friend emerges from his hiding place and storms up to me.

"JESUS CHRIST YOU COULD'VE KILLED SOMEONE AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT YOU JUST COMPLETELY TRASHED YOUR CAR WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" he yelled.

I casually glanced back at my car, which had gone up in flames by now. There were smoking tire tracks in the dirt that lead up to the mess. Flowers and plants and I think even a few trees had been pretty much annihilated. People were slowly and cautiously coming out of there hiding places, shaking and looking completely traumatized. I think I ran over a squirrel at some point.

I looked back at my friend, grinned, and said "nah, its just got a bit of dirt on it :3" and went to play on the jungle gym.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT -- AN AMAZING AND IN-DEPTH LOOK INTO MY SUB-CONSCIOUS. You just try and analyze those things.

MGS is a hundred times more awesome when you're playing it with someone else :D

Halloween is THIS TUESDAY holy crap where did October go. I still don't have my costume ready, and tomorrow (or actually more like today since it's two in the freakin' morning) is going to be spent doing birthday stuff for my dad. So I pretty much just have Monday. CRAP. If all else fails I'll just grab a lab coat and mess up my hair and go as Woggum or something, but if I can somehow manage pull off a Gumshoe costume then that would be awesome. I love Gumshoe.

Speaking of Halloween, we went to some Halloween parade thing that's supposed to be this big, elaborate celebration. It was actually kind of disappointing -- 90% of the parade was just people advertising their crap and passing out fliers. I THINK THE CONCEPT OF HALLOWEEN HAS BEEN LOST ON THESE PEOPLE. Also, some fat lady in front of me kept throwing tootsie rolls at me which was kind of weird.

On the bright side, there was some guy in the audience dressed as the Grim Reaper and he had a friggin REAL LIVE BOA CONSTRICTOR OR PYTHON OR SOMETHING DRAPED OVER HIS SHOULDERS. I really wish I had brought a camera so that I could have such awesomeness forever caught on film :'< Also, someone in the parade had a wicked Edward Scissorhands costume. It was great. There was also a van disguised as a Pikachu. I think I was the oldest person in the audience who was waving stupidly at it.

Oh, and the Shriners made an appearance! There's nothing quite as refreshing as seeing a bunch of old dudes doing wheelies in dune buggies and zipping around in little go karts. One guy in particular stands out... he just came speeding up in his dune buggy, stopped, lit up a cigarette, and sped away. What a cool old man.

There was a bunch of clowns, too! I think clowns are hilarious, I don't know what everyone's problem is.

Also, Mom had to go to the ER for about five hours today. She's fine -- she just has some minor infection thingy and is taking antibiotics for it. It was still pretty nerve-wracking, though, especially since I was told to stay home so I had no idea what was going on. But at least everything's okay :D

jesus christ I need to go to bed goodnight